“No quiero que mi hijo o hija sufra”, es una frase habitual entre las llamadas que recibimos en el 116111, el servicio Zeuk Esan de atención a la infancia y adolescencia.
Continuando con frases habituales, hay otra que reza así: “la adolescencia es una enfermedad que solo se cura con el tiempo”. En realidad, está lejos de ser así. Es más amable y realista decir que se trata de una época de cambio y búsqueda de una nueva identidad como individuo.
En esta etapa tan agitada de sus vidas, se esfuerzan por “ser” lejos del abrigo de sus allegados y para poder formar parte de su nuevo mundo, es conveniente recurrir al diálogo.
Quienes saben de comunicación familiar, coinciden en los aspectos esenciales a tener presente a la hora de establecer y mantener una comunicación rica y satisfactoria con estos chicos y chicas que van dejando de ser niños y niñas y se hallan instalados en el reciente camino hacía su futuro.
Primero, hay que adaptar el habitad, el ambiente propicio y buscar el momento adecuado. Por otro lado, tengamos calma, seamos pacientes, ya que no se trata de hablar en el momento que yo quiera, sino de crear la ocasión y hacer que surja la palabra, en ocasiones escasa o perezosa, a través de cuyo hilo ir creando la conversación. Ir creando la demanda desde la confianza.
En ocasiones, la manera que tienen de expresarse no es la adecuada; gritan, callan, arrastran las palabras, se enfadan o se frustran por razones diversas. Lo cierto es que nos toca estar a las duras y a las maduras, y en tal caso asumir el reto intentando no enfadarnos en exceso, ya que no van contra nosotros; simplemente no saben ser de otra forma. A nosotros y nosotras, pues, es a quienes toca poner la pausa y algo de orden en estos casos.
Qué importante será llegar a acuerdos, negociar horarios, derechos y deberes, etcétera ya que a pesar de resultarles una tarea costosa, la necesitan.
Es imposible evitar que un o una menor en pleno desarrollo sufra. Por ello, vamos a pensar que necesitan de recursos que les haga más llevadero la zozobra, el sufrimiento y el “de qué va esto!”. Es otra lección de vida para la que conviene prepararles, hablando y asumiendo que no lo sabemos todo y que en tanto el tiempo vaya haciendo su trabajo, estaremos ahí, lejos, cerca o a medía distancia; pero ahí, a su vera!
En ocasiones, tendemos a educar desde el miedo a que sufran y por el contrario, lo adecuado, es que aprendan a sufrir, y como padres y madres podemos intervenir para proporcionarles apoyo, confianza y seguridad.
Para resumir, durante la adolescencia lo más importante es hacerles ver que pueden confiar en nosotros y nosotras, respetando su espacio, haciéndoles sentir que estamos ahí para lo que necesiten.
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